I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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