Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
