all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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