It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
