i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
