Dual....:-)
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
