i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
