How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
