video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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