don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize