You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
