you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
