no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
