I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
