if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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