I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
