i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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