Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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