mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
