I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
