Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize