My hand turned me down
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
