some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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