I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
