Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
