i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
