Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
