my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
