there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
