I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
