I want to make a zoo with you.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
