dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
