if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
