i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
