let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Drunk is not a location!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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