How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
