i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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