theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
