I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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