took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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