Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
