also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
