You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
