dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
