Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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