I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
