I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
