I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
