They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
