Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
