the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
