Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
