he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
