I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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