Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
