She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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