I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
im on a boat
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