Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
