Midget sex pt 2 tonight
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
