JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
