I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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