So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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