Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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