Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
