after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize