I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
