He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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