if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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